The therapeutic or remedial methods necessary in such
cass is a very robust type of therapeutic method combining both
understanding and firmness in attempting to:
Destroy the effects of denigration by one
parent towards the other by making the child aware of the happy
history before the acrimony and separation between the parents
Getting the child to see the good points
about the denigrated parent.
Be firm and proactive in changing attitudes
and behaviour that has caused the parental alienation.
Try to get the alienating parent to co-operate
in stopping the alienation. This is easier said than done as
many alienators will refuse to co-operate in this, although
claiming otherwise. This is even the case when it is highlighte
that such actions are harmful to the child's development.
Appeal to the child's conscience that he/she
is rejecting, hurting and humiliating an innocent party who
cares for the child.
Have the child together with the alienated
parent in due course while seeking to change both attitudes
and behaviour via rational emotive therapy. There is a need
in the process for very firm communications.
Make the child aware that the blood relative,
i.e. the alienated parent, might sacrifice for that child which
will not be the case for strangers.
Warn the parent who alienates the child
of the harm they are doing to the child, not just in the present,
but also in the future.
Appeal to the child's critical thinking
(intelligence and emotions) and make the child aware of the
unfairness and cruelty in rejecting a loving parent.
Make the child aware that they need both
parents without endangering the relationship with the alienating
Make the child aware that they may lose
a good parent if the process of alienation continues.
A child should be made aware that the extende
family of the alienated parent is also being unfairly rejected.
Encourage the child not only to engage
with the alienated parent but with the alienated parent's extende
family, that is the grandmother, grandfather, uncles, aunts
ect. This will serve to reverse the alienating process.
Curtail or eliminate telephone calls and
other communications from the programming parent while the child
is with the non-custoial parent when that occurs.
It is important for the child/children who
have been alienated to spend as much time as possible with the
alienate parent alone so that a relationship van redevelop between
them. The longer the individual contact occurs, the greater
the likelihood the alienating process will be depleted or reversed.
Curtail the child being used as a spy against
the alienated parent.
In the extreme case the child/children
should be removed from the influence of the alienating parent
and be given in custody to the alienated parent or another body,
including a family member. This is to protect the chil from
Passivity and tolerance are ineffective
when dealing with parental alienation. What is required is a
confrontation of a very powerful type to counteract the effect
of the alienation and reverse it.
The power of the Court must back the parent
who is trying to remove the alienation effects.
The child may oftern need to be removed
to a neutral setting such as a hospital to prevent further alienation.
This is only in very extreme cases where severe psychological
damage has been done to such a egree that the chil suffers from
delusions about the alienated parent, i.e. the parent is trying
to murder them etc.
In the case of severe alienation it is
best for the alienated parent never to approach the home of
the alienator, but rather to use an intermediary for the transfer
of contact with the children.
It shoud be remembered that the child who
has been the victim of 'brainwashing' needs to know that it
is safe to be with the alienated parent without this reducing
their loyalty and commitment to the other parent. Hence the
alienated parent should do as much as possible to reassure the
child that there is nog desire to separate the child from the
Alienated parents once they have contacte
their children should concentrate on talking about the past
and the happy times together supplemented by pictures and videos.
Initially, a child could be very offhand or even fail to have
eye contact but this can be reduces through reminders of happier
times in the past and how this can continue in the future.
Alienated parents should not give up easily
but should persevere in their efforts to make and maintain econtact
with their chil. Constant rejections from the child is likely
to be humiliating and demoralising, but persistence sometimes
leads to success with the help of an expert and the support
of the Court. The latter is especially important.